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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Weathering the storm: Relationship Geometry

I was so proud of myself for coming up with this first concept. If it is some established sociology model that I retained in my memory banks from college, please don't burst my bubble :)
The idea is that the points of the triangle represent yourself, your spouse/family, and your children. The funny thing with a triangle is that not all three elements can be at the top, and therefore be most important. You can either have one element above the other two, or two over one. Thus, the triangle always has to keep rotating. You can't always be at the top, nor should you always be at the bottom, neglecting your needs. Sometimes the point rotates based on circumstances -- a kid is sick, and demands your attention, or a parent needs care. Sometimes it needs to be rotated, for example if you have been neglecting your spouse, and need to reconnect. Or if you need (yes need!) a mani/pedi.

The other concept was offered to me by a co-worker. He is an older gentleman, and we have had some great conversations about relationships. He came in one day with a diagram of a 6-pointed star

and the following words representing the points:

Respect
Trust
Love
Consideration
Communication
Passion

His theory is that with these 6 points, you have the complete star and a healthy, balanced relationship. If one area is lacking, you may still have a 5-pointed star. More than 2 missing/incomplete -- the relationship may start to falter. I have both diagrams drawn in my journal, and reflect on these concepts at least once per week.

2 comments:

Doodlebug Love said...

I have used your triangle concept off andon now ever since you first told me about it, but I do like your friends Star concept too. I think that the mere fact that we can even recogonize areas that we are lacking and try to move in a direction to do something about it is a huge step for us in general. Communication is the key and these are all bonous packages to help us to stay on course. Never hurts to re-check ourselves from time to time. Thanks for the info. Love it

Mama said...

I just wanted to say thank you for this post. I am a very recent unwilling participant of a divorce and find myself struggling lately with "what went wrong where" and how do I not repeat the same mistakes in the future?
So thank you, for being real and sharing that not all things on the internet are perfect all the time..and also a big thank you for sharing the insight you and your coworker have developed in terms of relationships. The only thing I can remember from my Family Relations class in college was the book we had to read "The Seven Principles to Making Marriage Work".
Thank you,
Brooke