Monday, September 25, 2006

Pimp My Bike

After a week+ of anticipation, I bring you my ultra top secret super terrific project: my tricked out bike!

First ~ some background. During my hiatus, I read a few posts about how craft blogs may represent a glossed over view of peoples' lives. This spurred a bit of discussion as to whether or not certain unnamed bloggers should reveal the darker/"dirtier" side of their lives, and help the rest of the community breathe a sigh of relief that yes, occasionally there are piles of laundry at X's house, too.

Well, I'm pretty sure I was not one of the bloggers the writers of these posts had in mind when they set out to explore the hidden dark side of craft blogging, but just in case there is anyone out there that still regards my life as a "domestic fantasy," I bring your three sh*tty things that happened to us in the last few months*:

~ BT had a kidney stone which involved an ambulance ride to the ER. Most people pass stones in a couple of days. BT finally "gave birth" to a 6 millimeter stone three agonizing months later. We named it "Ted."

~ I lost my gd thumb nail!! I accidentally slammed my thumb in the car door, and a week later the nail came off completely at the base. It has halfway grown back, but in a bumpy thick mass. I still am very self-conscious about it, and often notice people looking at my thumb in horror if I forget to hide it. This was the last picture taken of me with a complete nail (my left hand). This was taken the day it was injured (note my contortionist maneuver to keep my thumb out of the picture)

~ We had our garage broken into. Well, "broken " into is a little misleading as, you see, we accidentally left the door wide open for 24 hours for anyone to come by and take a gander at what we keep in there. We might as well of had a sign out that said Sears Is Open, as most of what got stolen were BT's Craftsman tools. And a chainsaw. And my bike. Not BT's bike, because the crook(s) that stopped by must have thought it looked too customized (it's this bike, sans babe, which honest to God you see 20 of when you ride down to Belmont Shore - MY bike was the rare one!) I'd like to think that if a cop saw a guy riding a girl's bike carrying a bunch of tools and a chainsaw, he might have pulled him over, but this is the LBC, and it probably takes a lot to raise the eyebrow of a cop around here.

Luckily we had rental insurance (and health insurance for the other two things), so it wasn't that bad of a hit. In fact, it was kind of fun to go shopping for brand new stuff. Here is my bike online. I also checked out the Townie (wanna-be Bobo that I am), but I did not like the colors (Pepto Bismol pink and Caltrans orange) in our price range. This bike is really nearly the same as the Townie, as it has internal gears. I think, as a cruiser, though, it has a cushier seat for my giant bum.

To avoid any future theftage, I set out to customize my bike so the average crook would think twice about riding off with it. I added a basket and a bell, and homemade accents including streamers, a nodder, felt dice, leopard print handle bar covers, and a cushion for Chuy. Future improvements may or may not include a radio, mudflaps, and, should be a no-brainer, a bike alarm.

Here is the plastic vest that the monkey came wearing and the top of his package

This thing has remained in pristine condition, NIP, for the last 40+ years - I get my hands on it, and it is destroyed in less than 5 minutes before I thought to take a picture. Hopefully the monkey views his sequined vest and fez hat as an improvement (you can't tell from the picture, but he is nodding yes).

Here is somebody who I am pretty sure does not like to wear a fez hat

Gosh, Mom...twice in one week you have to humiliate me. I am not riding around in this get-up.

That's ok - me and my giant bum will still have a swell ol' time riding around town

* We are totally over these things, and now regard them with humor, so this is in no way presented to garner any sympathy. Please feel free to laugh with us.


Megan said...

And laugh I will, though a none-too-small bit of me insists on being horrified. Three cheers for the new bike though, it's great and worth it for the monkey alone.

That's dog is going to get you back one of these days, I can see him plotting his revenge.

Gillian said...

Okay, greatest bike EVER is an understatement. As for the fez wearing dog... I now need a fez wearing dog. I'm off to find one...

Rossana said...

Congrats on your new bike! What fun it must be to ride around town with all your "customizations." I think I'll go put shiny Hello Kitty stickers on mine now... =)

Carrie Sommer said...

Oh my God! I am gagging on my coffee! I'm so sorry to be laughing at your misfortune, but it really was the funniest tale of woe! The bike story was so PeeWee Herman! I half expected you to go trotting off in search of the Alamo basement...hilarious!

Glad everything worked out in the end - and I can totally picture some guy riding a girls bike in downtown Long Beach, with tools and a chainsaw...NOTHING in SoCal can surprise us anymore! What a shame!

Liz said...

What a GREAT bike!

I have a chrome/rusty looking 1950's style bike that I bought at a yard sale a few years back. I wish that I had the heart to replace it.

A dog with a fex is sooo cute.

So is this

Liz said...

Woops, I meant Fez!! :}

elizabeth said...

that is quite possibly the best bike i have ever seen!!!!

caro said...

I'm WAY jealous of your pimped out bike. Something tells me I'm going to do some customization of my own this weekend.

vegasandvenice said...

Your bike is fabulous! You look adorable riding about town!!

jek said...

you have a pee-wee bike! aaaaack...i want one and always fawn all over the beach cruisers when we see them but since i have a perfectly good working mountain bike i cannot justify a swooney beach cruiser. sigh. ans then there is artboy who likes to comment on how one cannot change gears ona beach cruiser...i told him i liked the basket and everything and he said we could put a basket on my bike but my bike is currently an ugly forest green mountain bike...not exactly basket worthy...sigh...i love yer pinafore pictures, they are sooo purdy.

happy october!

Alicia P. said...

Oh man, LOCK THE GARAGE DOOR, quick! Because if anyone but you so much as touches that bike, I wish them kidney stones and smashed thumbs!!!

gracia said...

Ahh, the fez! If only my pets would don such hat wear and pose for a photo.
cheers, gracia

Amy said...

Oh! I've only just realized you're back. Yay! And thanks so much for outing yourself on the imperfection. I love you bloggers who aren't afraid of a little truth.
In that spirit, and to make you feel better about your sh*tty events, I will divulge that in the last six months we have not only had four raccoons invade our garage which my husband left open while there was a giant bag of dog food at the entrace (and then tried to oust them with the pressure washer) but we also had our trash can reposessed because we thought we were on credit card autopay and we weren't. I think that pretty much speaks for itself.
Welcome back!

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aabner58 said...
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