Those who live in small houses...

What qualifies as a small house? According to Apartment Therapy, a small house is less than 1,000 square feet. At 1,008 feet perhaps then our house would be considered mid-size? If you saw our house in person, I think you would classify it as teeny tiny. Remember -- we are the owners of a bedroom that is a mere 7 1/2 feet in width.

We like to pretend our house is midcentury modern -- it is not.

Even compared to our neighbors, our house is small. Our kitchen is so tiny, that with the fridge door open, you have no open floor space. This picture cracks me up.

We have the best friends!

We had 2/3 of our core friend group over for dinner (dinner was served on our extra long driveway -- keep reading). After dinner, the kids were out in the living room, and the adults crammed themselves into my postage stamp sized kitchen. Realizing we had all somehow squeezed in (akin to stuffing people in a phone booth), I insisted that we get a picture. On a normal day with just me in there, the kitchen is barely functional.

One more inch and everything would fit. Or maybe I need smaller cookie sheets.

Now, we do have something many of our neighbors do not have, and that is a driveway. Most houses in our historic neighborhood (a majority of the houses were built in the 30s, a few, like ours, were built in the 40s) do not have driveways, and rely on street parking or access their detached garages through the alley. Our driveway is about 100 feet long. All I can assume is that our house was designed for the drive-in set -- you would need the space to park multiple cars, but would always be out hitting the new burger stand to show off your ride, so why would you need a full kitchen?

Where yucky plastic utensils go to die

Getting back to the kitchen, we had a cabinet fall apart last year around this time. This was one of those "new, but crappy product or crappily installed" things that are so frustrating to deal with at our place. Can sh*t just stay together long enough for us to get to that room and do a complete overhaul? BT replaced the cabinet with a new crappy but well installed set (cheap, but temporary until we determine how to fix this space). The design of this Home Depot Special forced me to get rid of a lot of stuff, and organize things in a new way. One thing I did was put together a storage bin stove for Hank's kitchen wares.

The first thing Hank pulled out of this Ikea food play set was the knife, and said something along the lines of Ohhh - a knife! and started jabbing the air with it.

We have no nooks in the house that could house a play kitchen without looking like a cluttered mess. Hank mostly just wants to play with the real stuff any way, or he is helping me with real cooking. But, he likes having his own tools. They can be stored in this container, and flipped over - it is a stove! The knobs were salvaged from a wooden block caddy that had to go because it was taking up too much space (I know, you get it -- my house is small!!) This is not a new idea, and you can find a few other designs on Pinterest. I should compare notes with those ladies to see who has the smallest house of them all.

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Favorite of the day: Local eating and shopping guide

Working on: VW shower decor

Patchwork baby

Another baby shower - this one for a friend expecting #4. They are 85% it's their 4th girl, but I think they are holding out hope the baby is a boy after all.

In light of this uncertainty, I made a blankie that at least avoided pink, although the purple would probably still tilt the scale. The color palette was determined by the fabric used on the back -- a selection of vintage looking baby animals.

I had a pack of onesies with sheep on them that I admittedly had bought for Hank, but never used.

The gift was finished off with a purchased baby lamb stuffed animal.

Things are winding down in the baby making department on the friend side. I think we are all excited to get to the next level of parenting. As it is, parties are becoming enjoyable again, as the kids can run around and entertain each other, versus needing constant parental interaction -- leaving the mamas free to sip their wine and talk about, well, the kids.

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Favorite of the day: I've got nothin'

Working on: Baby shower invites for SIL's shower (I have the feeling we'll be welcoming nieces and nephews for a few more years, so won't get rid of that juvenile fabric just yet, lol)

The Facebook Project: Kent

You know all those silly Facebook memes -- post your bra color to keep the guys guessing, re-post a status update if you don't want to look like the schmuck who supports dog abuse, etc. Well, I generally stay away from those kinds of things, but replied to an offer I couldn't resist on the page of a woman we refer to as Auntie P. I was one of five people who responded to her request to have something hand made for them, and in turn promise to make something for the first five people who responded to the same post on their own Facebook page. You have the whole year to make the items for your five lucky recipients (I ended up with 6). Here is gift #1

Name: Kent

Number of years known: 11

How I know him: He was the husband of BT's high school friend's wife's friend, but I now consider him my friend without the added layers

Have you heard about Kent before on The Felt Mouse?: Indeed you have -- he was the In-n-Out zombie who accompanied us on the Zombie Walk we did years ago.

The project: Kent moved from sunny CA to New York several years. We were sad to see him go, but glad to know we have a tour guide if we ever make it to the Big Apple. Terrible timing for this project, since the country is having such a mild winter, but I made him a super heavy duty 2-ply moss stitch wool scarf.

As BT will attest to, I don't make enough manly crafts. This was fun!

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Favorite of the day: This sounds so good

Working on: Baby blankie

Baby Bunny Button Book-y Shower

I helped with a baby shower for a sister-in-law this weekend. Actually, other than the invites and choosing the location, I got to do everything on my own!! This was a big deal, as usually I am co-hosting an event, or the mama-to-be has specific ideas about what she would like for the shower. I like working under these circumstances as well, but it was fun to sit down and do whatever the heck I wanted without running it by anybody.

Note: I didn't have my camera that day, and had to borrow one I obviously wasn't used to using.

The main source of inspiration were some reproduction baby powder tins I bought -- oh -- back in 2006. This was after I read Hillary's post about the lovely baby shower she put on, and just had to have the tins for my own. I found them on Ebay -- I think they were rather pricey then, and looks like they are selling for $6-10 now.* The tins have been collecting dust ever since.

The sex of the baby is unknown -- s/he has had its legs crossed for every ultrasound. This is baby #6 joining a family of 3 girls and 2 boys, so no preferences. I used the peach and navy blue from the can, seeing it as a variation on pink and blue. I made paper fans to put in the tins adorned with buttons in the center. The cans were put on a navy blue crepe paper runner.

After scouring Pinterest, I found this cute printable banner that had peach and blue. But, it also introduced two new design elements -- bunnies and a book print.

Okey dokey -- what to do with those? I bought an old book, and pulled out a bunch of pages to spread over the crepe paper runner.

I printed vintage rabbit images on a few of the pages, and made a few into bowties to stick in the tins (I kept thinking they would find out if it was a boy or a girl before the shower, so I kept adding more boyish and then more girly elements so I could point to the ones that most related to the sex of the baby).

The favors were dollar store spice jars (two for a dollar) filled with Dove chocolate and tied with a peach ribbon. A small button was the perfect finish to the labels.

Despite the fact that we were at the Cheesecake Factory, I couldn't help bringing cupcakes adorned with little polka dot bunnies I found on etsy.

For games we just did two pen and paper games ( a word scramble and guessing how many days animals carry their babies). We also left well wishes for the baby, and I had guests fill out a thank you card envelope so the mama-to-be (x6) has one less thing to do. Speaking of the mama-to-be, I made her a brooch using a paper flower found at Michaels -- I just needed to add the ribbon.

For a gift, I made the most super awesome baby gift that has ever had a tutorial made for it. Seriously - this would be the only shower gift I ever made again if I wasn't so fickle and didn't have an enormous stockpile of other stuff I need to pawn off on unsuspecting mamas. It is the cut chenille blanket. I used flannel as this tutorial suggests, and it looks exactly like chenille. See?

It is ever more rewarding than a traditional quilt in terms of doing all the quilting (and in this case cutting) and not knowing how it is going to look in the end until you wash it. Everybody loved it.

Another shower is already on the docket for another sister-in-law, but in this case the mama-to-be had a theme in mind. Volkswagen bugs and a fun color scheme? I am sooo all over this one!

*I would be willing to sell 4 tins for $20 if anybody is interested.

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Favorite of the day: N/A

Working on: Unpacking

Weathering the storm: Things to do to show you care

This will be the final chapter in my little relationship building series. It was helpful to write out some of the notes I had hastily scribbled in my journal. It sounds like some of you found an inspiring idea or two -- thank you for the positive feedback!

So this list was generated 1) after BT admitting that he felt a little neglected in recent years after Hank's birth, and 2) that there are no decent lists of nice things to do for men to show you are thinking about them (at least that I could find). Some of the following could apply to any man, but some are specific to BT. This is a continuation of my "everday romance" discussion, noting things that can easily be done to show you are thinking about your man in a minimally cheesy way.

- Take a picnic dinner to the park
- Put a note in his lunch
- Drop by work for an unexpected visit (for coffee, or for lunch)
- Put a note to find later in his car, medicine cabinet, pants pocket, or use bath crayons to leave a note in the shower
- Take a day off together (sans kids)
- Go get his car washed/filled with gas (you always wish he would do it for you -- why not do it for him?)
- Show undivided attention re a work story and ask follow up questions
- Pre-frost a beer glass in the freezer
- Take his clothes to the cleaners
- Make room on the shoe rack for his shoes (uhh - probably specific to us)
- Finish sewing Hawaiian shirts that we bought the fabric for 4 years ago
- Buy him new undershirts/wear
- Make his favorite dessert
- Put together a guys' night out for his b-day
- Offer him a day to sleep in
- Put together a themed dinner based on your favorite restaurant
- Give him a day to work on his hobby (beer brewing, fixing up hot rod, etc.)
- Star Wars shaped pancakes
- Chat while we at work (this is nostalgic for us)
- Fix up the bikes (air in tires, polish off rust)

My list of things that would show me BT cared would be a feminine version of this (versus flower petals on the bed, and all the stuff promoted on sites devoted to romancing women). I said when we first started dating that I would rather a guy picked out some little 25 cent vending machine toy for me when he was at the store versus buying roses. BT's approximation of this was buying one of those notepads you stick on the windshield. It was tacky, and designed for somebody in their 60s versus 20s, but he said he knew I was always thinking of new ideas, and needed a way to write them down when I was driving. Awwww!

Thanks again for reading, and hoping to be able to batten down the hatches in case a storm blows through again.

Coming up: A scarf for a fb friend and a baby bunny button book-y shower

Weathering the storm: Relationship Geometry

I was so proud of myself for coming up with this first concept. If it is some established sociology model that I retained in my memory banks from college, please don't burst my bubble :)

The idea is that the points of the triangle represent yourself, your spouse/family, and your children. The funny thing with a triangle is that not all three elements can be at the top, and therefore be most important. You can either have one element above the other two, or two over one. Thus, the triangle always has to keep rotating. You can't always be at the top, nor should you always be at the bottom, neglecting your needs. Sometimes the point rotates based on circumstances -- a kid is sick, and demands your attention, or a parent needs care. Sometimes it needs to be rotated, for example if you have been neglecting your spouse, and need to reconnect. Or if you need (yes need!) a mani/pedi.

The other concept was offered to me by a co-worker. He is an older gentleman, and we have had some great conversations about relationships. He came in one day with a diagram of a 6-pointed star

and the following words representing the points:

Commitment
Consideration
Communication
Love
Fun
Intimacy

His theory is that with these 6 points, you have the complete star and a healthy, balanced relationship. If one area is lacking, you may still have a 5-pointed star. More than 2 missing/incomplete -- the relationship may start to falter. I have both diagrams drawn in my journal, and reflect on these concepts at least once per week.

Weathering the storm: Rules

There was a study conducted in Los Angeles County within the last several years. I can't find it for the life of me, but the gist of the study was to film dozens of families throughout the county -- all different income levels, ethnicities, etc. -- at home to study family life. The overall finding was that all families fight (not meaning knock down drag out -- insert "disagree" if fight is too strong of a word), and the main reason for many of the fights comes down to undefined duties for household tasks. If it is not clear who is supposed to take the trash out, it may become a repeated argument as one partner blames the other for not taking charge of this task, and asking why they always are the one to do it (while the other partner points out the times they have taken out the trash, and/or uses another task they feel they have to do every time, e.g. changing diapers, as a basis for a new argument).

We discussed this study when I first read about it, and we were pretty good about outlining tasks that were undefined at the time. Coincidentally, taking the trash out was one of those tasks for us as well. It is now BT's task. If I am cleaning the kitchen and need to take out the trash, I will do it. Otherwise, he knows it is his task, and I know it is his task, so I don't nag him about it. Even if I am stacking boxes in the recycle bin Jenga style, I know he will take it out at some point in the near future, which takes away a lot of stress.

As a result, at wedding showers that ask for guests to provide advice to the bride-to-be, I say something to the effect of Determine who will take out the trash out and divvy up any other less desirable tasks.

As an aside, the best advice I have heard at one of these events is to only use "always" and "never" in a positive way. So true!

So back to recent times. Nobody wants their whole relationship defined by rules. There are some rules that are inherent to a marriage -- those regarding fidelity, etc. Some lesser things may be important to one spouse, but not the other. A few rules were developed through the course of our goal setting. They include:

1) Date night once per month -- It may be cliche, but so important to connect as a couple. We have a line item in our budget for date night, and use all options at our disposal to make it happen once per month.

2) Monday night planning meeting/Saturday planning breakfast -- This one is huge, and the element that gets the most positive feedback from folks I talk to in "real life" about this process. BT and I sit down together Monday nights after the kid goes to bed to look at how we did with the budget the previous week, and what needs to be adjusted. We also plan out on Google calendar as many activities as we can -- family outings, things we are doing on our own, time to do house projects -- so there is less of a surprise when the time comes for guy's night, etc. The bulk of the calendar planning happens at the beginning of the month, but adjustments are made every week. After we finish these meetings, we do something together -- no video games or reading blogs. Usually we just watch TV, but we have played board games.

Then, on Saturday, the plan for the weekend is fine tuned at breakfast. How many hours I need to clean versus the uninterrupted block of time BT needs to work on a house project is determined. This saves us from arguing about whose task gets priority and/or wasting the day away saying we should do something, but never get it started.

3) Easy medium hard house projects -- This is another biggee. Our house is technically a fixer upper. The owner's son made some hasty improvements before he sold the house, but many of those things have already broken, adding to the list of "original to the 1948 house" projects we knew we were getting into when we bought it. Turns out the dreamers aren't too swift on completing home improvement projects. Granted we are doing most of the work on our own, and don't have oodles of money to do said projects, but things happen here in an agonizingly slow way. Trying to kick the renovation up a notch, I suggested an easy-medium-hard goal for each month. An easy project (carpet cleaning, fixing a drain stopper) is easily completed during the month. A medium project (installing baseboard in a bedroom, refurbishing a door) also is completed during the month. This actually turns out to be the more difficult project, though, as it is more time consuming, but should be finished within the month to stay on task. The hard project cannot be finished in a month (fixing up the backyard), but we need to show significant progress on a sub-task of this project. There is more progress being made now on the house, and the progress motivates us to keep going!

4) Intimacy -- A good number of couples find intimacy decreases after kids. We were no exception. Lets not call this a rule -- just a goal to make time for you know what (we actually do have a specific goal, but I'm sure I've said enough already). Also, and this was one of those silly things that was a big deal to me but BT could care less about -- I asked that we kiss each other good night every night. We rarely go to bed at the same time. It is easy to just do our own things, and then truck off to bed when one of us is ready. We each keep to our own side of the bed, so no slumber cuddling. To me it feels more like being roommates then a couple at times. The kiss is a simple way to show we will miss each other during our time in dreamland.

So those are the rules. Next up -- relationship geometry.